What is the meaning of it all?
You, dear reader, may have heard many of those who claim that this pandemic is by the hand of God, a wrath brought upon us because of our nation’s or world’s sin, such as homosexuality or abortion.. You may have heard others claim that this pandemic has come upon humanity because Mother Earth is fighting back and she is trying to restore balance in the eco-system we are destroying. If we had treated our environment restoratively, this would have not happened to us. Even others say that the virus is teaching us how to love one another and form community in a time like no other. These are all opinions, some of them, from what this author perceives, form a healthier worldview and theology than others, yet they all try to make meaning out of why this pandemic has happened to our species.
The wisdom literature of Job and Ecclesiastes in our scripture library, however, lifts up another option. In the book of Job, we learn that Job and his friends believe strongly in the Deuteronomistic system, which states that if you are just and righteous, you will be blessed by God. If you are wicked and sinful, God will punish you. Is this that far from what some people still hold to today? When the righteous man Job was punished, his friends, of course, believed he must have deserved the punishment. The most interesting part of the story to me, however, is God’s response to Job. When Job cries out and questions God for his intense suffering, God does not show him mercy. Instead, God questions back, “Will you condemn me to be justified?” Basically, will you blame me just so it fits into your little rulebook? God was angry at Job’s condemnation. God responds that he has the power and might of one who has created the universe and all that is in it. How can a human understand the complexities of the universe and its inner working? God is the one who controls all chaos and evil. Although at first glance, God response feels quite cold to me, even flippant (see Job 38:21 “Surely you know, for YOU were born then and the number of your days is great.”) Geez, God, lighten up your touch a bit! It seems like quite the brush off from the Divine, yet afterwards, Job finally says, “I had heard of you by the hearings of the ear, but now my eyes see you.” Somehow, as God spoke to Job, he was able to see God in a way he had not before.
Sometimes we want so badly to make meaning out of every happening within the universe, whether personal or communal. Yet as we look at our creation, it is obvious that it moves, restores, and creates just like we do. It dies and lives again in another manifestation like clockwork. Just look at the lifespan of a single seed, a microcosm of life and death within itself. Look at a single tree, as it continually sheds its leaves and bark, dying and living over and over again. This death, this life, and this suffering, however, are part of human existence. It is part of the dual system we live in. You may see this represented in the symbol of the yin and the yang from Taoism, the dark and the light, death and life. If we, like Job, can acknowledge this fundamental reality of our earth-bound existence, we may see God a little clearer. Does this mean that God wants us to suffer, or causes suffering? No, it means this is the broken world we live in. So the question is not why we do suffer, it is why do we live in such a flawed and broken world if it was made by a creator who supposedly loves us? Why does God allow this? I believe it is the only way we can have the choice of free will (knowledge of good and evil), but others may have a different answer. In the case of Job, maybe the best answer is, I will never understand the complexities of the universe, but I can appreciate human existence for what it is and the God who made it.
When we realize, dear reader, as the writer of Ecclesiastes does, that life is not as we may view it from our limited, earthly, time bound bodies, our perception of our world and our God will shift. For everything there is a season, even our own lives. (Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8) We were not here to exist permanently. What we have been given is a gift. This does not mean that suffering does not create deep wounds. The wounds can be raw and excruciating, but what we do with that wound, that is the true gift. Buddha says that life is suffering. In fact, it’s his first noble truth. When we can accept that suffering is part of existence without judgment of that suffering, we can begin to see God a little clearer. God does not create the suffering but God can work through it to restore us.
What if instead our words mirrored that of Job? “Therefore, I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful to me, which I did not know.” (Job 42:3) How could that response change our hearts toward God?
There may not be a greater meaning to this pandemic. It may be our world at work and how are human existence is reacting in that biological world. This thought may not be comforting to many and may shake the foundations of their theological beliefs, just as it did with Job and his friends. Its not the most pastoral answer I can think of. It may even negate the important and valid feelings of those who have suffered through injustice or the death of a loved one. If someone had told me after my husband had died that his death was just part of human existence, I would have straight up punched them in their face (or at least had a pretty harsh theological burn for them!) But through my husband’s death, I realized the preciousness of this life, something my ears only heard about before. It was not the purpose of his death at all, but a moment of restoration for myself through the grace of God. We may not be able to make meaning of any of it all: this life, this death, this suffering, this pandemic, but it can be ok to say, you know I’m not sure what it all means. It’s in the wrestling that we grow.
Through acceptance that we are not the center of this universe and its workings, comes peace. Through the acceptance that death is a part of life and is not the finale, comes peace.
I think my husband had this peace when he breathed his last.
As we fight this virus, as we see the sick dying, their families suffering, we see the depths of the human condition. As we watch the people on the front line risking their lives in love, those who do not have the means to stay home go out to work and support their family, and the injustice that our Empire has sustained, my eyes are opened more and more to the human condition. I don’t know what that means exactly, but somehow, I am beginning to understand humanity and God just a little bit more.
In that, I give thanks.
